What do I see when I look in the mirror?
Not me anymore… in fact I see the face, the eyes the nose the mouth…. I see it and I can see that’s it’s all mine but I no longer see me, why? Well the person staring back at me is old, overweight and quite frankly looks worn out.
When I turned 21 the whole word was at my feet, I had looks that could melt many a man and once in a while I would use them to my advantage. I had the energy the go and the will to make more of my life.
Since then I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, some of which I wish would disappear from my memory and some that I am grateful I made, because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be here today starring at a reflection I no longer recognise!
The mistake may be made that I am not happy with what or who I am today, but that is not entirely true. I love the life I have I love the fact that I have two wonderful children, a doting husband who will love me through thick and thin (I know as we’ve had many of these in our 7 years together) and I am happy when I take the time to make myself look good.
However that first initial look in the mirror in the morning, much like the one now I can sit there staring at my reflection, the bags, the blemishes the lank hair and the chubby jaw line and I wonder where the 21 year old beauty is that I once was… well that is the whole point that was me some 10 years ago, now I have 2 kids, a husband, a tortoise and a dog to take care of and funnily enough each and every one of them get put in front of me, in that precise order.
So each and every time we get ready to go out is it any wonder I end up looking like the joker out of batman and the rest of them look immaculate… I know that there are many women out there like me that too have this issue but for the past 5 years since my son was born I have come last in my own life and now looking at the results of that in the mirror I feel sad.
Inside I feel like that girl that would go out, look good, laugh lots and smile all day long… externally I am an overweight, unrecognisable shadow of my former self. I guess staring at this reflection for the past two years has finally got too much for me, maybe that’s the reason that I fell so bad for what I have let myself become… lazy, lazy, lazy…the bad thing is I run around after my brood so much I don’t get the chance to be lazy, I’m worn out if anything so maybe it’s time to get lazy in certain departments!
When it comes to the hubby, he’s 41, old enough to get himself sorted out day and night so guess what, that’s the first department where the laziness will kick in. I guess I don’t need to have the house shining bright from noon till night, a bit of muddle is fine (so I’m told) and then there are the kids… as much as I love them I guess I could cut back a little here, I don’t need to do everything and anything for them… at 2 and 5 they are more than capable of the basics…
So this is it, the day I start, the beginning of restoration me… for starters I will get up that bit earlier so I can have some ‘me’ time… I will make the effort to look good before I walk out of the front door and most importantly I will lose the 4 stone that I have allowed to creep on and stay on in the past 7 years.
A lot of my family and friends don’t agree with the course of action I have taken to lose the weight, in fact they have told me that I’m beyond silly with my choice but I don’t care what they think. For some time now I have looked at all the options and I am on course, I have chosen to lose weight with the Cambridge diet and I am determined that I will lose the weight and I will keep it off!
I can see that it will be hard and I will need support, not everything is easy in life and I may meander slightly from the path every now and then but my goal in life now is not to have more children, marry a rich man or have a huge house but to have me back, the girl I was 10 years ago (but with maybe one or two more wrinkles) and the girl I still am inside.
So here it is the declaration, the decision, the epiphany…
The beginning of a whole new me!!!
